Feeling like a new (clueless) mum all over again!
I turn 40 next month and my plan was to hit 40 looking like Eva Longoria! But clearly there was another plan for me and on March 24th this year I gave birth to beautiful baby boy - Dafydd Robert Haswell. My 3rd baby and child number 5 (for those who don't know me well I have two foster children who are 16).
Although I had done this twice before (fairly successfully I might add), this time around I felt completely inadequate. I called my mum (what would I do without her!) all the time and in fact asked her to move in for a while to help me. I was a walking zombie and felt like I was constantly breast feeding or changing a nappy.
Eventually my sensible mum suggested that I give Daf a bottle of formula at night just so I could function the next day. Let me tell you I have never felt more judged than when I had to make that decision. At the paed visit other mums gushed at how they easily breast fed and that their babies fed every 4 hours etc etc. My son woke every hour for a feed and I was so sore - what was I doing wrong. Another mum couldn't produce any milk and felt the need to justify that when kids grew up one couldn't actually tell who was breast fed and who was formula fed.
As I sat there listening to this nonsense, I realised that us mums are constantly putting ourselves under unnecessary pressure and anxiety because we compare ourselves to what society had told us is the "normal" mum. I make no apologies for my choice. My son was happy and his tummy satisfied. I was able to get a bit more sleep and therefore able to function as a mother to my other 4 kids.
I did text my paed everytime something looked vaguely off...nappy changes, reflux, blotches etc. The first two times I just got on with it and my kids are amazing, confident, independent citizens. Is it because I'm older? Or because there was an eight year gap between number 4 and number 5? Or maybe because a pram now costs R10000! I think I now overthink everything and because there is so much more information available about everything one over informs oneself which leads to nothing but anxiety and second guessing oneself.
My hope is that mums trust their instincts - they are usually right. It is also absolutely okay to ask for help, especially for your psychological wellbeing. Learn how to cope, how to manage your time and how to ensure you don't lose yourself while being a mum.
My plan to look like Eva Longoria didn't quite pan out - although with my mixed brood my friends say we resemble Angelina Jolie's clan!
Although I had done this twice before (fairly successfully I might add), this time around I felt completely inadequate. I called my mum (what would I do without her!) all the time and in fact asked her to move in for a while to help me. I was a walking zombie and felt like I was constantly breast feeding or changing a nappy.
Eventually my sensible mum suggested that I give Daf a bottle of formula at night just so I could function the next day. Let me tell you I have never felt more judged than when I had to make that decision. At the paed visit other mums gushed at how they easily breast fed and that their babies fed every 4 hours etc etc. My son woke every hour for a feed and I was so sore - what was I doing wrong. Another mum couldn't produce any milk and felt the need to justify that when kids grew up one couldn't actually tell who was breast fed and who was formula fed.
As I sat there listening to this nonsense, I realised that us mums are constantly putting ourselves under unnecessary pressure and anxiety because we compare ourselves to what society had told us is the "normal" mum. I make no apologies for my choice. My son was happy and his tummy satisfied. I was able to get a bit more sleep and therefore able to function as a mother to my other 4 kids.
I did text my paed everytime something looked vaguely off...nappy changes, reflux, blotches etc. The first two times I just got on with it and my kids are amazing, confident, independent citizens. Is it because I'm older? Or because there was an eight year gap between number 4 and number 5? Or maybe because a pram now costs R10000! I think I now overthink everything and because there is so much more information available about everything one over informs oneself which leads to nothing but anxiety and second guessing oneself.
My hope is that mums trust their instincts - they are usually right. It is also absolutely okay to ask for help, especially for your psychological wellbeing. Learn how to cope, how to manage your time and how to ensure you don't lose yourself while being a mum.
My plan to look like Eva Longoria didn't quite pan out - although with my mixed brood my friends say we resemble Angelina Jolie's clan!
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